Stepping Out of the Shadows

For the past few years, I’ve been feeling the pull to share more about my inner journey. Writing has been a practice of self-discovery for me for decades, and lately I’ve been thinking that some of what I’ve learned might be helpful to others.

The words of people who have shared their inner worlds have been a lifeline for me, offering comfort, inspiration, and a sense that I’m not alone. And I want to offer something back. I want everyone to know we're all in this together. And I want to share how I’ve been navigating the murkiness of being human.

We all struggle sometimes, but we don't always talk about our struggles, or how we're handling them (or avoiding them). But talking about our inner obstacles can be so validating and liberating. And hearing how others have found their way can show us new perspectives that might be just what we need to help us move through it.

Despite my desire to share, something has kept me from hitting "publish." So much has been in the way. Today, in a powerful transformational coaching session, I started to uncover what’s really been blocking me. I felt inspired to write this first post about those blocks and my response to them, because I know I’m not the only one who struggles in this way. And I know that when we bring our shadows into the light, we can change our whole relationship to them.

That’s what happened in today’s session. Something that I've carried for years started shifting, thanks to my coach’s open heart and attention. Patterns that we've held for our whole lives—even the ones we’re aware of but don’t know how to release— can begin to transform in the presence of loving, compassionate energy.

The Conscious and the Subconscious

Now, I am not someone who runs from my shadow. On a conscious level, I want to face and explore the things that cause me suffering and hold me back— so I can let them go. I've been working with this stuff for a long time, and have a good level of awareness already about what's inside my own shadow (aka emotional baggage).

But the thing about the shadow is that it’s not conscious. It hides out in the subconscious or unconscious. Still, I was surprised to realize there are elements of my shadow that I've been unknowingly avoiding.

There’s plenty I have been aware of when it comes to what’s keeping me from sharing my work: fear of criticism, self-doubt, perfectionism and procrastination, to name a few. These are each huge challenges, of course, and I've been aware of and working on all of them.

But the real thing that’s been holding me back wasn’t any of those, exactly. It was a belief that these feelings - fear, doubt, and insecurity - shouldn’t be present when I’m doing the work of creating, sharing, and growing my coaching business.

The Cost of Waiting

I had decided that I would only create and share my work from a state of trust, love, joy, connection, and inner power; from the deeper place inside me, my true nature. This is who shows up when I'm coaching clients, and it's who I want to embody while I'm building my business as well. I want to put more love and peace into the world, not more fear or anxiety. And I believed that meant I had to wait until I was in a state of love and trust before I could create or share anything.

So if I sat down to do my work and fear or self-doubt showed up, I would try to work with those feelings and shift my state, and if I couldn’t get into a "better" state, I would walk away. Do something else. Try again later.

It felt like this was how I could honor my values. The last thing I want is to add to the collective energy of overwhelm and fear by adding my own!

But it also meant I wasn’t getting much done. Because those fears and insecurities almost always show up on some level when I sit down to do my work. I was spending so much emotional energy trying to rid myself of doubt, little was left for creating.

A More Authentic Agreement

Today I saw a new possibility. I resisted it at first, but it now feels exciting. It propelled me to get back to this blog and (finally!) publish a piece of my writing.

What I realized is that this shadow part of me is always with me, whether I'm conscious of it or not. And right now, in the vulnerable beginning stages of a new business that feels so personal and intimate, it's natural that my fears are at their loudest. Learning to work with them is important, and I’ll continue to. But I don’t have to wait until they’re gone in order to begin.

What if my shadow isn’t a reason not to create, but a reason to?

What if the fear, doubt, and discomfort are part of the process—not signs I’m doing it wrong, but invitations to be more authentic?

Our shadows hold patterns that go back decades. It’s the work of a lifetime to unravel them. While it’s beautiful to want my work to radiate love, peace, joy, and compassion, none of us are those things all of the time. What’s even more essential is authenticity.

Authenticity is one of the values I hold most strongly in my life. But I hadn’t realized that authenticity might mean showing up with my shadow — which might actually be more powerful than avoiding work when I feel its presence.

Loving My Shadow

Our shadows aren’t shameful, even though they often make us feel that way. They’re made of the things we think make us ugly, unlovable, unworthy. And not a single one of us is exempt from having one. These parts were formed to protect us from harm. They deserve love and compassion, not rejection.

I'm learning that the best way to work with them is to shine our own light onto them. Acknowledge their presence, and offer ourselves compassion for having these perfectly human feelings.

My new commitment:

• When my shadow shows up while I’m working, I will acknowledge it.

• I will offer myself compassion if possible, and acceptance if not.

• I will not walk away from the discomfort.

• I will create from where I am, not where I think I’m supposed to be.

Because if I want to share authentically, then my shadow belongs in the story, too.

I know that my fears won't disappear overnight. Part of me still worries what people will think. I wish I didn’t—and I know that others’ reactions say more about them than about me—but I do. And that’s ok, and I’m not alone in having those feelings.

I'm going to share anyway, and I'm going to share all of myself—even the scared parts. Because this is what I’m here to do. And it’s time.